"Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet?
Right now the cops have nothing to go on....."
- from Duncan Prahl, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
"A local doctor called us out in the middle of the night because one of his toilets was blocked.
He insisted that it was urgent and that we attend immediately. Upon arrival we lifted the toilet lid, threw in two aspirins, and said 'If it's still there in the morning, give us another ring.'"
- from Michael Baker Plumbing and Heating, Beverley, East Yorkshire, England
Plumbing is the only profession where you'll hear your boss say, "Be sure your 'joints' have lots of 'Dope' in them!"
- from Wayne Holman, Wildwood, NJ
"Your crap is my family's bread & butter."
- from Kelly Trimble, Branson, Missouri
Kelly said that those words were used by Roger a former employee of their family. It was Roger's slogan. Roger was a real person who, according to Kelly, used to use "blue language without regard to who was in earshot." Thanks Kelly for your permission to show those words.

A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others educations."
- from Joe Gommer, Ontario Canada
A good flush beats a full house every time.
"A plumber is the only guy I know who can take a leak....
....and fix it also!"
- from Joyce Hart
In what way is a Doctor & Plumber alike?

They both bury their mistakes.

....the old stand-by:

How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?


A boss to tell a plumber, a plumber to tell a helper, a helper to get his electrician friend to do it on the side.


One to get the beer and one to call the electrician.                                          The Friendly Plumber

A plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York City to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked dish.

During the course of the afternoon, the two became extremely friendly. About 6:30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans.

"That was my husband," she said, putting down the phone. "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8 p.m.. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."

The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time?"      ...................................................................                                      A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called in a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and when the repair was completed he handed the lawyer a bill for $650.00.

"This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!" exclaimed the lawyer.

"Neither did I when I was a lawyer," the plumber replied sympathetically.

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $150.

The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon."

The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"